polka dotted thighs

why do you try to make your existence forgivable

you can’t

you somehow have to learn how to live, with the scales always imbalanced, always in debt, always dependent. you have to be able to receive grace, mercy that you can’t earn. you must be forgiven without being forgivable.

I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.

I’m still alive

I’m still breathing

I’m still here

And its pouring summer rain onto hot asphalt

God is real

I’m still alive

There is a need to fight, to prove, to mark, to promise

I’m not going to give up on myself

Uninterrupted gray sky

there will not be a white flag waving

hope is gritty, living is gritty

so stick it to the darkness

stick your thigh with a needle

you don’t always have to choose joy, you just have to choose to live

Reasons to live-

Rain on hot concrete

The smell of yeast

To hug my mom

See baby owls

I want to be a cowgirl

Braids in my hair

everything is fleeting, temporary, smoke in the wind

i am not taking up space

i am a human and that is hard sometimes